Throw off your bowlines or cherish your harbour?

When discussing the coaching framework with Ursula at We women foundation, we dwelled upon how women from Burma point at their heart when talking about both their heart and mind. If you’re into Buddhism, you’ll know more about this. It’s very different from a Western upbringing, in which we clearly see the mind in one place and the heart in another. I often state that coaching is all about being you; both connecting our inside to what we show on the outside and connecting our hearts and minds. It feels like we can easily spend a lifetime ‘unconfusing’ ourselves. But what if a Burmese upbringing - or maybe a Buddhist upbringing in general - causes a different sort of confusion? What would it be like? And how does it influence a coaching approach?

I’m only starting to dig in, so obviously I’m far from having the answers. Plus I’m not what you might call an expert on Buddhism. Nevertheless, I feel like I am slowly waking up to a different coaching approach, to actually fit the local context. We women works within a very specific local context. They support female refugees from Burma - illegal migrants in Thailand - whose passions, goals and motivation implicate them as future leaders of Burma. Most women that take part in the project - talented and motivated as they are - are under a lot of pressure to finish their education. At the same time, these women have to manage their very intense lives. Therefore, coaching is already a vital part of their project.

So what changes a coaching approach compared to western style coaching? This is what I’m thinking:

• “Stuck in our future or past, trying to work out the present” could well be the most common starting point for coaching in the West. I feel we Westerners are mind racers - disconnected from our feelings or heritage - often far from knowing what it is that actually drives us. Western people do lots of future thinking; having big individual dreams. Not to mention we often have unresolved issues in our past. All together we seem to have lots of difficulties sensing and understanding our present - feelings, anxieties, thoughts, life’s questions - to back up our dreams and future thinking. Coaching is often about exploring today’s reality to get a better grip on our future oriented behaviour. 

 

• “Stuck in the present” might fit Buddhist cultures better. Over here, it is far more difficult to hold big dreams and goals in life, particularly as an individual. If only because Buddhism focuses on today. But for the women from Burma the reality of today is omnipresent, often shaped by being a responsible representative of a larger community. Then there’s the refugee context. These people have fled experiences of poverty, sometimes violence and other significant life experiences. On top of this, living as illegal migrants in Thailand adds to the insecurity and reality of a life in which there are less opportunities to chase dreams and aspirations. You could question the ethics of digging out dreams within this reality, right? On the other hand, people are much more aware of their feelings, anxieties, primary thoughts and life’s questions.

In addition, Asian cultures are often high context cultures; which means a lot less is spelled out and experiences and ideas are often much more implicit, So how to discuss matters as a coach? (Click here for more information on high versus low context). You might start to feel that a Western style of personal coaching is a total misfit for female refugees from Burma. But for now, I disagree.

Why? Let’s just simplify by saying that coaching is about personal leadership. I would argue that it’s all about opening up to your own journey. If that is the case, I feel Eastern and Western cultures have an interestingly different view on the concept of a life’s journey. A Buddhist quote on personal leadership states: “Like the captain of a ship, a leader must have a definite goal; only then can he chart his course and steer his ship in the right direction.” This journey - on the one hand - is all about responsibility and about being a role model within your community who may lead the way. Mark Twain - a famous American writer - puts it differently. In lines well known to Western travellers he states: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." This journey is about courage, experimenting and discovering new ways by being an individual. Different values shape our journey.

I feel these different concepts of a life’s journey - plus being stuck in the present versus future or past - shape a non-Western coaching approach. Not entirely different, but different for sure in terms of pace, focus, methods and behaviour. Feel free the comment. I’m happy to get back to you later with more specific ideas. But for now, I’m trying to withhold myself from jumping into conclusions; happy to learn from these more time-plentiful cultures.

The heart & the mind - www.coachcultures.org

Up for negotiation?

Whenever we want something from someone - or another person wants something from us - negotiations get started. I guess I never realized the importance and the ever presence of negotiation. Never realizing - and never really liking - it took me a long time to accept and admit we do it all the time. And if I say all the time, I mean ALL the time: at work, at home, at school, in relationships, in business, and so on. Except for every day shopping that is, that one seemed to be ruled out in most western countries. Although some people know how to get a bargain anytime and anywhere. But this is not about bargaining; negotiating is a two-way thing.

So here we are, travelling throughout South America and Asia, realizing we lost the most basic and explicit of all negotiation skills: getting yourself an every day product for a good price. Only now - after some four or five months of basic training on the job - I am able to smile all the way through the negotiation process. And even though my own culture tends to look at negotiation in a very negative way, I’m starting to see the beauty of it. It’s both good fun and for a good cause, as a good deal cuts both ways.

Negotiating is also a very interesting skill from the perspective of this blog, as it may well be one of the most culturally influenced skills around. Not only because some cultures have more practise, but also because culture plays a very important role when negotiating. All parties bring in their own specific cultural behavior. We all have slightly different patterns of thinking, sets of values and ways of feeling and acting. Culture immensely influences the way negotiation takes place. How is negotiation perceived? Do we take on a competitive-aggressive strategy or friendly one? Do we avoid uncertainty by agreeing on principles first - that would have been my style before this trip - or do we just dive in and save the best for last? Think only of communication style and peoples willingness to adapt, and you know you’re up for something. Intercultural negotiation is in a league of its’ own.

Paul R. Horst (United States Airforce) wrote a very interesting paper on ‘cross-cultural negotiations’. He summarizes negotiation factors and their cultural responses. A few I find particularly interesting, as you are bound to run into them more often when working (or travelling) abroad. Ask yourself these questions, and see if you can fill them in for your colleagues or business partners. The questions made me highly aware of cultural aspects, which makes negotiating even more interesting and fun to do.

• Soft or hardball: What is the most important outcome for you, contract or relationship? What do you prefer, win it all or win-win?
• Formalities or personal touch: Is you personal style formal or informal? Does that include emotions? Do you like to communicate direct or indirect? Do you take risks or rule them out as soon as possible?
• Organization: Do you want to finish fast, or is time not a big issue? Do you start with minor or major negotiation ingredients? Who negotiates? Can anyone negotiate? Who is to decide? Do you seek consensus?

As said, intercultural negotiation is one of those things you will for sure be a part of when working abroad. It will influence your success and ability to find your way in work and business; in job interviews, performance appraisals, project management, leadership or any other form of every day work. And in the end, since it’s a two-way thing, you’d have to be able to see both ends in order to be most successful. On average, women are somewhat better at this, having the tendency to give in a little to let both parties have some results. Unless - and this is proven - women negotiate in order to achieve something for someone else. This is why, in some cultures, men let their wife or girlfriend negotiate for them.

So, are you up to it? If so, the key is to know about cultural response. And most of all, get to know your own. Charlotte - a Danish expat I met in Phnom Penh and lives in Beijng near to the famous brand-clothing- markets - tells me how she urges visiting friends to leave their money at home the first time they enter the market. ‘First practise and observe, or be sure you’re gonna be caked.’  Some sound advice if you ask me. A similar thing goes for many workers with different cultural backgrounds in the Netherlands. How do you - for example - pick up the desirable Dutch leadership style, built upon consensus and reason, if you were brought up in very different ways? Or what if you’re Dutch and work in France or Italy? What about emotions in communication? Just follow Charlotte’s advice: give it time, observe peoples’ response and enjoy working on your own.

Which brings me back to my own recent experiences and change. Once you learn to smile your way through the intercultural negotiation process and get to see the beauty of it, I’m sure you’re in the market!

The noble art of doing nothing

As we’re travelling we get to do loads of things. Plus we get loads of time to do nothing. Theoretically, it’s just a matter of choice. In practise, doing nothing is probably one of the bigger hurdles I like to jump. I always seem to have something planned, or at least something coming up. It’s actually quite hard to just lean back and let things be. Needless to say I am part of a numerously big crowd.

I guess it’s a cultural and a family thing. Time just seems too wonderful to waste. How interesting it is to observe the travelling crowd. If alone at bus stops, in buses or on boats, travellers always seem busy reading their books or writing their diaries. Or maybe they are updating their facebook page (mentioning they are at a Peruvian bus stop). These busy travellers, they are nothing like Bolivians or Peruvians. The locals at the bus stop have their own elusive way of just being there, without any hassle or impulse. A yoga master couldn’t do any better!

After six weeks of travelling - on our 4-day boat trip from Puerto Montt to Puerto Natales - I finally find some of that myself. And why not, it’s not like we have anything better to do, right? Life on the boat starts with breakfast and then slowly progresses through lunch to dinner. In the meanwhile we hope to spot some whales and dolphins, or maybe penguins. So, basically, we just stare out at sea. I get to hang around, talk to lots of different people, play a little game of chess and grab a coffee every now and then. But the noble art of doing nothing is what ties it all together. And - probably just to my own surprise - I actually find it very relaxing. Maybe even for the first time since being a teenager, I don’t feel the least pushed around by new ideas and alternative plans.

In between these wonderful periods of nothing, I just have to cultivate things a little and start talking about ‘it’ with other travellers. A few interesting things came up:

1. Once you free your agenda, doing nothing actually turns out to be very spontaneous. Free time opens you up to anyone and anything. This is how nothing turns into interesting! 
2. If you try to let go of old ideas, beliefs and habits, stop planning is a great way to open your mind. At times you don’t really do or think much, like in the shower or maybe staring at the sea, you’re most likely to get in contact with your own genius. 
3. For almost every traveller doing nothing is a topic, in different shapes and sizes. Mindfulness, yoga, boat trips and 30 hour bus rides, they all contribute to both 1 and 2.

What I find most interesting is how travelling seems to be one of the most effective dates people can make with themselves. Whereas at home these self-dates are often replaced by other plans, travelling eventually turns out to be that something that helps you to do nothing. Especially when travelling starts to wear you down. This is why a close friend gave me the advice to - every now and then - spend a sleepless night on a dreadful bus. The value of this advice is slowly sinking in.

Yes, there’s always a lot to learn. But if there’s one thing I’d like to pick up from other, time plentiful cultures, it is this noble art of doing nothing. I’m sure it will help me - and others - to enjoy the moment, and to change restricting perspectives from time to time. If it comes to doing nothing I may not be genetically blessed, but I’m happy to say I’m learning!

Admirable quality migration

Down South Latin America we stumble upon several German settlements. German even turns out to be the fourth or fifth language in Chile. In Puerto Natales, the main tourist attraction is actually a walk along several colonial style German houses. What a blast! Nevertheless the history of German culture in Chile is very interesting. In 1845 Chile took on the Law of ‘Selective Immigration’, which was meant to bring in middle and upper-class people from abroad, to colonize the south of Chile. Over 6,000 German families arrived in Chile during this period alone.

As you might be aware, migration is usually triggered by poor living conditions in the homeland. Therefore on average migrants are more often poor and not very suitably skilled. But the migration of Germans to Chile was something different. It turned out to be very important to the region in terms of quality. Amongst the German migrants were many skilled carpenters, furniture makers and enthusiastic beer-brewers. But they were also university graduates and academics, such as pharmacists, doctors, scientists and professors. The Germans became the most successful subgroup in Chile, especially in terms of housing, atmospheric and liveable villages and social-economic position.

Sensation seeking stories focus on the Second World War. During the war many German Jews settled in Chile. After the war, many Nazi leaders and collaborators took refuge in the south of Chili, the most infamous of which was Paul Schäfer who founded Colonia Dignidad. But luckily this bit is only a fragment of the very visible German-Chilean history. And although the Germans mix very well with the Chilean population today, they were very successful at maintaining their own subculture. A deacon in Valparaiso even described the South of Chile as a German time-bubble.

I wondered which cultural aspects, besides their obvious skills, made the Germans so successful? I could summarize some of the dimensions along which cultures vary, such as low context versus high context, monochronic versus polychronic, future versus past orientation and different perception of time and seasons. But that would only roughly describe differences between Northern Europeans and Latin Americans today. 150 years ago things were different. I feel it must have been the future orientation and the enterprising souls of the migrants that made most of the difference. These migrants set off to make the best possible future for themselves and for their children. They were consciously seeking opportunities, whereas the life of the average Chilean was nothing out of the ordinary.

It is similar to what some migrants and expats show us today, which I still find admirable and stimulating every time. On our trip we met many international hostel owners, several expats and loads of fellow travelers. What they seem to have in common is their open hearts and minds, plus a desire to make their own choices and pave their own path. Either you were here a 150 years ago - or just today - you would find yourself in very good company!

Starbucks, BurgerKing and MacDonalds

Travelling in Latin America we don’t see as much of them as expected. Not a problem in our book, but still somewhat surprising, as in some other countries there seems to be one of them just around every corner. Which left us with the question ‘why not in Latin America?’ For various reasons I suppose. To begin with, a lot of Latin American countries are still seriously anti-US. As a lady in La Rioja (Argentina) explained, this has for years been the single most important reason not to teach English at schools. These sentiments must have kept the American food-giants out for a while. But secondly, much more practicable, the local burgers and lomo-steaks are almost impossible to beat. They are huge, tasty and everywhere, plus they are way cheaper than MacDonalds or BurgerKings. The same goes for coffee, as most Latin American countries have their own strong coffee culture. (Which doesn’t mean the coffee is actually good ;-)

But, in the end, I guess it’s a cultural clash. I read an interesting article by Thomas Friedman on ‘the Lexus and the Olive tree’. He describes the conflict between Lexus, dedicated to modernizing, privatizing and globalization, and the olive tree, dedicated to unique traditions, stories, places and families. As globalization pushes further, the question of business and culture (Lexus versus Olive tree) is more and more out there. For if Western companies want to operate in culturally different countries, how do they maintain their management practice and still achieve success far from home? Friedman’s answer is integration, worked out in examples of Starbucks in Korea and IKEA in the US.

Starbucks’ core values include teamwork, equal participation and diversity. When looking to expand in South Korea, Starbucks realized that the Koreans value power distance (see cultural differences). They had to decide if they were willing to be more hierarchical. They decided not to go all black-and-white, and tried to integrate differences. At Starbucks everyone refers to each other as partners, calling each other by first name. This proved to be very discomforting for South Korean employees. As a solution, managers gave every employee an English name, so that they could call each other by their English names. As the English name was used as a substitute for a title plus last name, this did feel comfortable. This way Starbucks’ value of equality was retained. Another point of cultural conflict was Starbucks’ value of teamwork. Every employee does whatever needs to be done. As Korean men traditionally do not do housework-type tasks, such as cleaning toilets and washing dishes, this was a problem. To overcome this (and to get the dishes and the restrooms done) Starbucks adopted a role-modeling approach. This is often very effective in high power distance cultures. Starbucks had the international director do all this. They even hung a picture of him cleaning the toilet!

Only briefly the example of IKEA, who says they value equality even more than your average US company. As they don’t use job titles or clear job descriptions, a cultural conflict raised. The best qualified people in the US simply wanted more status and clearer career perspectives. IKEA changed their recruitment strategy, by emphasizing their values and by providing realistic job previews. Those who did not identify quickly selected themselves out of the company. What IKEA actually did, was to benefit from the large variability in individual values within the US. They were able to select their own suitable employee-subgroup.

The bottom line to me seems the necessity to be culturally aware if you want to be successful. Back to Latin America. Anti-American sentiments seem to soften. English is now taught at schools and internet and MTV have reached the younger generations. But some cultural conflicts remain. In terms of power distance and roles of male employees, it compares somewhat to Korea. Another cultural conflict that arises is the past/present orientation in Latin American countries. As a consequence, the mean management style is quite conservative. Western companies are generally future oriented, which means management includes planning, doing and controlling. And then of course Latin America embraces mañana mañana and value time way different than we do. If Western companies want to be successful over here, they have to deal with punctuality issues. You’d at least have to invest in job interviews and work out different palets of fringe benefits.

Yes, we spent hours and hours in Latin American restaurants. Not to mention how courses sometimes miraculously changed order, or all got served at once. But in the end, competing with local lomo-steaks may well be too much for the Western Burgergiants. We’ll (eat &) drink to that!

Golden handcuffs? Not in Argentina...

In Buenos Aires we met Taylor, a young African American who successfully works as a legal expert at a big law-firm in New York. He was on a well-spent three week holiday, something not many Americans get to do. As we explained to Taylor we are in our first weeks of a year of travelling, our conversation suddenly took an interesting turn. That’s when Taylor mentioned the golden handcuffs: living the fast and luxurious life in which everything seems possible, at first... Very attractive. And how easy it is to get used to having the money, and ofcourse the prestige that comes with the job. Until you realize how those golden handcuffs lock you to the rat race for many more years to come. Traditional retirement plans, restricted stock options, savings plans, health insurance and many other benefits (provided to you by the company) lock the cuffs even tighter. And, as they say, people often rather stick to the devil they know, than risk the devil they don’t know.

In that perspective Taylor was something different for sure, being very open to new ideas. An important asset, as it helps you to realize there’s no one but yourself holding the keys to the cuffs. Now this is something you don’t have to explain to the Argentines! Talking to Hans en Alina from Belgium and Argentina, who run a Posada in Mendoza district, it becomes clear to me how the Argentines keep the cuffs away. They have experienced a big crisis in the early 2000’s, which threw a lot of middle class people back to lower class. Only the few in power profited. Happily for the Argentines they have good public schools. This is how the children of people struck by crisis work themselves back up to middle class. But crisis has made the Argentines flexible, so Alina explained. This is where their thinking is almost opposite to that of an average successful American or Northern European business partner: never expect too much of the future and make sure you don’t depend heavily on the things you have today… Thanks to little future orientation and a vast quantity of time.

Personally I’d like to see quite a bit of this thinking in Europe, especially where it concerns our current economic crisis. Stop living in the future and thinking of more growth, and start making it work today! (or mañana…)

And how about coaching? Well, from here out is seems pretty obvious how it can be more difficult to coach your average successful European on how to enjoy a day’s life, in comparison to your average Argentine. And if it comes to dealing with pressure and responsibility, I would for sure take cultural differences into account. But, on the handcuffs, let me be careful not to judge before I’m sure I haven’t cuffed myself to having a year off…