Difference fatigue

I read an interesting blog from ‘Titus on Mission’, a missionary man on a visit in Peshawar-Pakistan. Let me just quote Titus: “It was all interesting and exciting. Then on the afternoon of the fourth day I needed to shut down, get by myself and be away from it all! It was an urge quite beyond jet lag or introversion. There were still plenty of things to do, more conversations to pursue, and, in fact, that was the story of the rest of the visit. But at that moment I couldn’t take in more of the new and different. I needed to shut the door and be alone with the little I had that was routine and familiar – a book, a newspaper, e-mail that needed tending”.

Before we left on our trip I wondered when I would first reach that point - where it’s just enough - for now. When you need to retreat for a little while, because you just can’t take in things like you want to. In our first 2 1/2 months we’ve gotten to that point at least once. And - since we have enough time on our hands - we can just give in.

Which is a lot less easy at work. New projects and clients, innovative ideas, the occasional clash of opinions; all regular differences we don’t just step away from at work. Even though we really need to sometimes. If you’re part of the ratrace, like to do startups or change, and if you’re committed, differences can really get to you sometimes. Work is inspiring and rewarding and all, but wouldn’t you sometimes just like to …….? Note to self: it is funny how - while travelling - I think of work regularly. In very positive ways, although I’m sure I don’t want to get started tomorrow. But time and distance are feeding me with new ideas and energy to task. No work-related difference fatigue here and now!

This is - again - where I start to wonder about coach cultures. If you’re working in a different cultural environment, it can at times be really hard on you. You’d have to face cultural differences every day, up to the day you manage to become part of it. Just take it all in, even though sometimes your own ideas make way more sense. I remember the stories of some of my foreign coachees, trying to make sense of their ‘senseless’ colleagues. Luckily being different offers advantages as well.

But, at the end of the day, we all get difference fatigue. It’s a solid and very understandable reason why immigrants - or people who are just a bit off average (almost anyone from that perspective) - like to stick together. The same reason why most people like to stay on familiar grounds and keep in touch with their own roots and familiar routines. The occasional holiday once or twice a year is enough to most. You just have to admire the people that are bridging the gaps every day.

On our travels we flew from South America to New Zealand. To us, the New Zealand cultures suddenly feels very similar to home. Add to this our ‘promotion’ from backpack to minivan, which makes it very easy to avoid everything we don’t like at first sight. We’re giving in to the difference fatigue, tired of cultural and personal differences. Precisely the moment I got here, I felt a strong urge to connect to friends and family back home, wanting to do a little peer intervision in my own subgroup. But now, after a few days, or maybe a week of tending to ourselves, we start to feel the itch again. It’s an itch to experience new differences, to check out things and to talk to new people, the itch to learn and develop in general. Hey, we’re not very different from most people; we get tired. But after recovering from our difference fatigue: bring it on!