Do we look up or down across cultures?

Last week I got started on my new volunteer job, setting up a coaching framework for We women foundation in Chiang Mai (Thailand). We women supports unrecognized refugee women whose passions, goals and motivation implicate them as future leaders of Burma. Coaching is on of more important aspects in We womens’ programs, which makes this job a double inspiration for me.

We womens’ staff and volunteers are a happy mix of Dutch, Shan from Burma, Burmese, US, US-Korean-Thai, British and Thai. What struck me immediately is how all staff and volunteer members - culture to culture - almost seem to look up to one another. Better put: everyone is valuing and admiring different qualities and styles and there’s a high level of mutual respect. Which reminded me of an article I once read (and forgot about), explaining how - across cultures - people tend to look down upon themselves. Others - or other cultures - seem so naturally skilled sometimes, while some skills never seem to come easy for you and me. I’m sure you recognize the feeling, right? Looking up across cultures feels good, as it fills you with positive emotions such as interest and admiration.

But, unfortunately, that would be all too easy. This week at lunch, one of the staff members mentioned how Thai people often tend to look down upon people from Burma in Thailand. My mind raced back to the Netherlands, where some not very interesting right winged political party opened a website to encourage complaints about Eastern European migrants. Encouraging people to look down for sure. As we all know, looking down unfortunately is common. So, here’s my question: Do we look up or down towards other cultures? I’ll try a rational approach for a change.

Why do we look down? Although luckily many treasure tolerance and equality, simultaneously discrimination, suppression and racism is happening. Some people look down on others because of occupation, appearance, religion, gender, culture, sexual orientation or even car brand. Most of this is based on prejudice: not knowing. Prejudice tends to make people unsure and less confident, or sometimes even scared or hostile. It’s a cliché, but when I meet arrogance or violence, 90% of the time I see a big whack of insecurity and prejudice. So that’s one. Secondly, people subconsciously look down because of different cultural habits and conceptions. Chileans for example, have very little tolerance for failure. That’s why there are so few entrepreneurs in Chile. It also explains why Chileans look down upon small Asian businesses; not racial but rather based on the way Chileans - and you and me - think and act. Thirdly - and not in the least - people tend to look down because of trends in media and politics. Looking down has become a global sport. Every day papers, social media and television thrive on the latest fails of celebrities and politicians. Looking down can be very easy and subconscious.

So why then do we look up? First of all, as people move around and meet with different cultures, they often feel clumsy and not very well adjusted. I know I did sometimes. If you don’t walk the walk or talk the talk, you’re bound to feel insecure at some point. In these situations, many people tend see themselves as less competent which makes them look up against others. Secondly, many people are curious and want to pick up new ideas or skills. This is a firm ground for looking up at different qualities. And if it turns out we still don’t understand, people are often very much willing to admire. As said, admiration makes us feel happy and good; that's why we all have our heroes. And have you noticed how our heroes are often very much unlike ours selves? For good reasons, as differences appeal and challenge us. The same goes for admiring other cultures. Thirdly - to wrap things up - there’s self-awareness and self-confidence. If you feel these apply to you, you are more likely to look up and learn from other people. At least it won’t put you down.
 
Back to We women. The mutual admiration struck me, so I’m afraid this is still the lesser common. But looking down is just so not satisfactory, don’t you agree? We’d want to make sure we look up instead of down, or at least make some eye contact with other cultures. Ask yourself this: How do you expect to enjoy your lifetime with 7 billion others in this world - different people, different skills, different ideas and different values - if you’re not willing to appreciate differences? I for one am sure cross-cultural coaching would be out of the question without admiration and some serious sense of our diverse reality.